Building Your Child's Self Esteem

Teach your children how to find joy in their small accomplishments. It is not external things or goods that bring self satisfaction or contribute to a child's self image. It is the actual completion of a task, activity or goal. We all know how good we feel when we have successfully completed a task. The more successful tasks or activities that children successfully complete, whether they be academic or extracurricular, the better they will feel about themselves, and it is this sense of self-confidence that they will take with them into adulthood. Give honest encouragement and praise, but only where it is due. Make sure the task is age-appropriate and reasonably within their capability. Support them with encouragement, but teach them persistence and follow through. Give them an example of a task that you have worked through and successfully completed. Make sure you tell them about your setbacks and trials and errors. They need to know that making mistakes is just part of the learning process. Quality tasks take time and effort. Children need to know this in our instant-on rush, rush culture. Start a record of all their ongoing successes. When they feel insecure or start to doubt their ability, bring out the success book. We all need to review our accomplishments once in a while.

Christmas Joy

The joy that you give to others is the joy that comes back to you.

Joy to the World!! This is the season of joy, isn't it? Maintaining a spirit of joy in crowded shopping malls, however, may be a little impossible. The Christmas season should be one of joy, but take a quick reading on your joy meter and see how joyful you feel rushing about, adding more events to your already crowded daily schedule and worrying if you will ever be able to find the perfect gift for everyone on your list.
Stop and reflect for a minute. What is it that truly brings you joy? Is it the expensive gifts, or is it being with the people you love and care about? Slowing down and sharing a community or family meal, singing familiar carols together, and sharing and listening to each others' stories are the true essence of Christmas joy. We all are each others' gifts. What personal gifts and talents do you have to bring to others? Not all people have the perfect family with the perfect decorations and the perfect gifts. Many folks are hurting from broken relationships, or the loss of a loved one. Others may feel lonely as their loved ones may be far away and not able to join them at this special time. Christmas joy is about the celebration of people. Let us celebrate each others' gifts at this wonderful time and rejoice in our humanity. Let us bring peace, love and joy to those who are waiting for our call. The gift of yourself to others is priceless!

For Parents

The pressure is on. Our children are bombarded with daily advertisements of the latest, coolest toy and electronic games. It is difficult to hold the line when you are faced with such enticing and appealing ads. Buying what you can afford and what you feel your children will benefit from the most must be your priority. Remember that a child's love for you is not dependent on the size of your store bought gift, but on the quality of your relationship.

Recommended reading:
What Kids Really Want for the Holidays
In Joy,
Barb

School’s Out!

By Barbara Ashcroft B.A.M.ED.

Now the fun begins. The first few days bring excitement and joy as the children love their new freedom. It won’t take long though until you hear the “B” word, “I’m bored.”

It is wise to keep a few challenging, but fun, educational activities on hand for these times. With just one hour a day of incidental reading, writing, discussion and math activities, your child will keep up his basic skills and increase his general knowledge. Learning is a lifelong ongoing process and is certainly not limited to just the school setting. There are many ways to keep your child’s mind active during the summer.

Math websites offer basic skills practice and an assortment of games.

Crossword puzzle books or online word puzzles sharpen vocabulary and assist with spelling.

Short daily story writing or reporting and editing on the computer will keep up their written expression fluency and accuracy.

Current events from daily newscasts or newspapers offer great opportunities for a family discussion of social issues and values. They also provide an opportunity for incidental geography learning.

Keep short stories or articles pertaining to your child’s hobbies and interests on hand. This will keep up her reading skills. Let her tell you what new information she has discovered.

Family outings and summer trips provide occasions to learn about new surroundings and local history. Encourage your child to become a keen observer and to ask probing questions as you travel to new and different locations. Traveling to new places can be one of the best learning experiences for a child.

Nature walks, museum and science centre visits all stimulate inquiring minds. It’s the “Why” questions that show interest and lead to further research.

Post an interesting daily research question on the fridge. Help your children sharpen their research skills. They need help refining their key search words.

All of these activities can be done informally and incidentally as your family goes about enjoying the summer break. Learning is natural and can be fun when the whole family gets involved.

When children know you are enthusiastic about a topic, they will pick up that interest. Keep them challenged, curious, and motivated. The “B” word might just disappear.

Some educational and fun sites for kids:
http://www.math.com/
http://www.coolmath.com/
www.kidzone.ws/math/index.htm
http://www.askforkids.com/
www.cbc.ca/kids
http://school.discovery.com/students
http://www.funology.com/
http://www.kidsclick.org/
www.pbskids.org/findit/
www.sikids.com/

Journey to Joy for Parents
http://www.barbashcroft.com/

Permission for reprint of this article is given with the inclusion of this statement:
Barb Ashcroft offers Journey to Seminars and private consultation for those who want to think more positively, discover their true passions, and feel fully alive. She may also be booked for professional speaking engagements. Contact Barb 905 814-6434 barb@barbashcroft.com

Why Are Our Children So Restless?

By Barbara Ashcroft B.A.M.ED.

Today's children grow up in a fast-paced society. They are bombarded with thousands of visual images flashing simultaneously in front of their eyes. From cartoons to action films and video and computer games they receive ongoing rapid visual and audio stimuli. With the remote control they quickly learn to channel surf, watch two shows at once, and tune out. Extremely loud music from headsets and speakers pierces their eardrums. Advertisers entice them with bigger and better gadgets and toys. They are surrounded with overwhelming choices and distractions at a young age. Family life has become hectic and over-scheduled. We may not be able to completely alter their environment, but we can become aware of its effect on our children and set up some strategies to offset all this over-stimulation.

The Effect on our Children

Many children have a hard time settling down, focusing and listening when they have been over-stimulated by so much sensory input.

Their ability to focus and concentrate on a quiet demanding task has decreased.

Children have become used to being entertained externally by this type of stimuli and have lost touch with using their own imaginations. They are always expecting action-packed entertainment and thrills. Heard the word “bored” lately?

Listening skills have almost become a lost art.

Getting to sleep has become more difficult.

Our children are beginning to expect everything in life to be “instant”; consequently, they have little patience.

Hearing impairments are becoming more prevalent.

What Can We Do?

Make sure your children have some daily quiet calm-down time. (reading a favourite book, listening to an audio book, working quietly on a hands-on hobby, watching an inspirational movie, having individual special talk times with Mom or Dad, even short meditation to reflective music.)

Encourage imaginative play, creative hobbies and reading.

Let them know that you also have to take quiet breaks.

Share with them how you focus on long boring tasks and follow through.

Monitor the amount of time they are involved in over-stimulating activities.

Develop listening skills through the use of listening games. (75% of their classroom day requires listening)

Play some soft, quiet, reflective background music.

Create predictable consistent structures and routines that keep your child emotionally safe and secure.

Limit their choices and see that those choices are age-appropriate.

Make sure that your child is getting enough sleep to be able to listen and focus at school the next day.

Try to keep your own voice calm and soft even while you discipline.

Turn down the speaker volume. Protect their ear drums.

Schedule family down time and guard it with your life.

Slow down, pause and breathe!!!


Journey to Joy for Parents
http://www.barbashcroft.com/

Permission for reprint of this article is given with the inclusion of this statement:
Barb Ashcroft offers Journey to Seminars and private consultation for those who want to think more positively, discover their true passions, and feel fully alive. She may also be booked for professional speaking engagements. Contact Barb 905 814-6434 barb@barbashcroft.com

Love Those Grandkids!

By Barbara Ashcroft B.A.M.ED.

“Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.”
Doug Larson

What a great time of life! Finally get to play again, dress up, get down on the floor for games (on my good days), giggle, tell knock knock jokes, take in a Disney movie and then send them home! Can’t get much better than this. Grandkids light up your life. They bring out the kid in you, think you’re cool, love you unconditionally, and don’t mind listening to your stories over and over again. They brighten your day when you’re feeling down. They even “cheer” when you drop in. They make great welcoming committees.

According to the Vanier Institute of the Family, older Canadians (76% of those 65 and older) have grandchildren, and most have more than one. Today’s grandparents live longer and experience a longer duration of grandparenthood than ever before. Many grandparents live into their grandchildren’s adulthood. Grandparenting is another opportunity for us to connect, build relationships and make a difference in the lives of others.

Grandparents can be a wonderful influence in the lives of their grandchildren. We may provide additional adult role models for them, act as resources for information, give practical advice based on true life experiences, provide them with a sense of family history and continuity and become their confidants. We can also tell them some pretty hilarious historical tales about their own parents which they love to hear.

A grandparent may be a great emotional support to a grandchild. With our lives now hopefully less hurried, we are able to offer quality listening time to the growing child, and provide ongoing encouragement and assistance with their schoolwork, their social issues and their insecurities. Grandparents make great cheerleaders. They can foster the child’s positive qualities, and show a little more patience with them, since they don’t have to spend their whole day with them. Even grandparents who do not live in close proximity to their grandchildren may keep up a close relationship through a continual communication exchange. It’s the constant interest and support shown that counts. If we establish positive relationships with our grandchildren in their early years, and keep the open communication going, this bond may continue into the teenage years when a third party ear and respected voice may be very helpful as the adolescents begin to assert their independence. These same teenagers can also keep us up to date with new trends and changing cultural ways.

Becoming a grandparent involves a great deal of personal growth. Grandparents can sometimes get themselves into trouble with the parents. There really is no manual for grandparenting. When your first grandchild is born, you just want to get your hands on that beautiful baby. You forget that this little one is not yours. This can be especially difficult for grandmothers. One really never stops being a mother. It can be quite a confusing time trying to figure out your new role. New mothers need support, but may be very sensitive to any suggestions that grandmothers make as they may perceive the suggestions as criticism. Parenting practices and styles, as well, change over the years and the generations may view child rearing quite differently. Most grandparents want to help, but often may be confused as to how to do this without potential conflict. The Vanier Institute notes that “the grandparent role is characterized by complexity. In a sense it is more complex than being a parent because it involves more people (adult children and children-in-law, as well as another set of grandparents).” It appears that there really is no clear description for the role of a grandparent and that most “individuals negotiate roles within a wide range of possibilities.” (J. Rosenthal & J. Gladstone, 2000)

The best role for grandparents to play is one of support, both for their adult children who are now parents and also for the new grandchildren. It takes time to adjust to the new role and to work out how that support can best be provided to meet the needs of everyone. Let the parents know you are there and then wait to be asked. Some grandparents today may find themselves in a primary caretaking role for their grandchildren. Most grandparents, however, don’t seek out this role, but agree to provide this level of support out of some financial difficulties being experienced by the parents.

Grandparents can be an inspiration to their grandchildren. When my own grandmother was on her deathbed, I remember telling her that I wanted to be just like her some day. She had a very independent spirit, great drive, and always found a way to overcome life’s hurdles. Her photo is a constant daily reminder to me of that strength and attitude that I so often have to call on. My own children valued the time they spent with their grandparents. They often speak about Grandpa’s laugh, his gentle spirit and his woodworking toy projects. My son became very close to my Mom when she was in her wheelchair for nine years, as he lifted and toted her around in his car. My daughter use to keep her paternal grandmother company on many occasions when she was alone. It is this contact with older grandparents that also provides the younger generation with a sense of respect for the aging process.

Grandchildren give us a sense of immortality as we think of our personal and family line being continued through them. This is a comforting thought as we begin to think about what legacy we will leave to the world. In the meantime, grab as many hugs and cuddles as you can get and don’t miss this great opportunity to get silly, play like a kid again, go to the park, eat ice cream, swing on the swings and then send them home to their parents! Enjoy a soothing cup of tea, in your own peaceful and quiet space, smile and be thankful for the wonderful gift of your grandkids.


Journey to Joy
http://www.barbashcroft.com/

Permission for reprint of this article is given with the inclusion of this statement:
Barb Ashcroft offers Journey to Seminars and private consultation for those who want to think more positively, discover their true passions, and feel fully alive. She may also be booked for professional speaking engagements. Contact Barb 905 814-6434 barb@barbashcroft.com















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